Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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