I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
