Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
