If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
