Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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