I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
