Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
