This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
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Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
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For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize