I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize