After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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