one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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