I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just googled if crying burns calories
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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