our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
