Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
