Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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