I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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