carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
