After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
