Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
