SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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