He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you never un-have a 4some
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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