Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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