Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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