woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
