let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
