Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
