Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
