we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
