dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
