She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
