After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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