I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
