He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
