we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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