ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
