so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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