We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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