she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You don't make any sense
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