oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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