epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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