Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The Olympian is in my bed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
