All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
