Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
