It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
