Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
