You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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