He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
