we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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