Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
