Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
