my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
