just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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