Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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