I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
