You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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