____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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