I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
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