So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
