Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
