It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
