the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
