My cat gives me a boner
it's like heaven, but drunker
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
