meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
