were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
