Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
