cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
