he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
