We're like a lot better than the average bears
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
