I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
