I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
