Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
