I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
