At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
