wat bout pragnant strippers??
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
